Yes, it's me again! Who knew I actually would feel like ranting in public, again? Well, I certainly didn't! But I believe I know where my inspiration comes from; from the lack of inspiration to finish my master's thesis! Surprised? Any master's student will recognize this strategy blindfolded. Well, at least I am writing in English, and doesn't that qualify as time well spent? Just nod and agree with me, people!
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my life with my never-ending master's thesis or my supervisor, but it is all consuming, body, mind and soul consuming! First of all, I am not as available to most of my friends as I feel I should be, therefore I feel guilty and as the worst friend in the world. I just hope they haven't given up on me yet, and that they will forgive years of crappy Christmas presents, lack of physical presence and lame excuses for not being there when someone needs moving help and a shoulder to cry on...I suppose what I need for Christmas is forgiveness from my good friends and family who feel I am not there.
- But, I am there, and just a phone call away actually- and there have been many phone calls with girl friends who have needed someone there - just to listen to their news, whether good or bad. And I haven't forgotten how many hours I have spent talking to my best friends about my stupid studies, guy problems or money issues - and how good it felt to be comforted by their warm and encouraging words - priceless!
From my rantings it seems that I am never around, but that is not quite true. I have tried to be there for birthday parties, Christmas parties, and other parties...A bit one-sided affairs I am afraid, but hopefully when I am finished with this master thesis nonsense I will be a larger part of their lives and drop by for coffee, or just because I miss them.
My friends are not the only neglected party in my life; my family hardly ever sees me, and I have had complaints from my mother where she has questioned my love for her when I had not seen her in months. I am sorry, mom! And my dear grandmother, I have neglected you most of all! I should be flogged for my absence! I have no excuses - and can only hope you will forgive me as well! I could go on listing family members from whom I have been too much absent, but soon I will join the living and engage in your lives more!
Wow, this is really top notch ranting! I hope you are still with me!
I have onto these lines projected my bad conscience, and promised to do better by using the very same words I am studying - I will, I shall, I am going to -words of intention and obligations for the future. Perhaps I should go back to writing about the future - then perhaps- I will have a future to speak of!
Signing off...
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